il bel far niente

Last night, I was on the phone with my Aunt, who lives China. She said that my parents (in China right now) are such hard workers. Not just during workdays, but all days. Even on a day off of work, they don't know how to relax. They are always in a rush - doing something, thinking about something, or thinking about doing something. After a meal, it's always about what's next, as if life is a long to-do list. Why can't they just eat and enjoy it entirely in-itself? Too much worrying, too much doing.

I am reminded of an Italian phrase: il bel far niente. The beauty of doing nothing.

Don't get me wrong: the Italianians, and especially the Chinese, are all dedicated hard workers. But it almost seems as if the entire world (or at least, all the countries I've visited) except for America are able to work hard and still remember to enjoy life. The pleasures of life are not an afterthought left for retirement; we enjoy life as we live in it!

A common comment I receive from foreigners or international students visiting the States for the first time is that there's so much stuff. They are amazed by the selection of electronics at BestBuy, the huge shopping centres, and the endless ways to spend money.

Americans work hard. I mean, we work hard. Statistically and emotionally, we are overworked. It seems like we even like working so hard. We use work to escape from our lives or create a purpose for our lives, but either way, fail to release ourselves from the disillusion. To fill this void, we spend and consume a lot of money to entertain ourselves and amuse ourselves. But amusement is simply gratification, it's temporal.

Hence, we are still always bored. The concept of boredom - of doing nothing - is much more prevalent now and here than in any other culture/time where doing nothing is an actual luxury. Whereas, in American, with so many gadgets and worries, our over-stimulated brains can't take a moment of doing nothing. Doing nothing becomes a fear, and we'll do anything to prevent ourselves from becoming bored. The idea of boredom didn't exist in primitive times. What do you mean you have nothing to do? You have to find food, to care for others, to survive! Even in many societies today, the opportunity of being bored is a cherished opportunity to finally be with loved ones or ourselves to create (not buy) experiences and memories. Now, these are not temporal, but ever-lasting.

Some incomplete college essays

Endurance

My energy is waning, the lactic acid in my legs is exacerbating, and the masses are soundly sleeping. It is 5 am, just another typical start to the day during my junior year. To add context and elaborate I have added my typical schedule for the first semester of my junior year.
As you can see I am well acquainted with long yet productive days. Now, for the climax, I received a 4.0 this semester. So, what do I know about endurance?

I know the definition is the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress or other adverse conditions. I know experience is the only true way to know something. And I know that I endured a lot my junior year. But if your not yet convinced, read on.


Curious

Socrates, possibly a fictional or existing Greek philosopher, is depicted in literature as either ingenious or asinine. I propose the reason for these differing depictions come from how people react to his dialogue and questioning nature. Socrates would challenge all and I believe some took personal offense to this. A perfect example would be if I asked you. “how do you know you exist”. Many might consider this a stupid question and even become angry if I was to persist with more questions following their answer. I use this introduction not to self proclaim I am a young Socrates, but rather to enlighten you to my own nature. I love to ask questions and partake in inquiries not because I like offend people but because, like Socrates, I want to better understand the nature things. In other words, I am curious.
Yet, a self proclamation and a questioning nature does not definitively prove anything. Proving I am truly curious requires that I strictly adhere to the definition of the word, which is desiring knowledge. I will affirm my adherence to this definition by providing evidence in the form of examples.
One of my favorite ways to strengthen my base knowledge and improve my rhetoric has always been through dialogue. Before college my friends and I would spend hours shooting a basketball or playing ping pong while holding philosophical discussions about everything. I know the thought you have: all kids spend hours talking with their friends while hanging out. I want to stop you there. I can assure you that there were not many kids having the discussions we were. Our topics spanned the branches of philosophy, mathematics, physics, and etc. A few of are favorite subjects were quantum entanglement, world religions, and complex numbers. Now, how did we hold stimulating conversations on these topics? We read, we watched documentaries, and we would always push the limits of our high school teachers' knowledge.
I love dialogue as a way to learn, but when I went to college the only stimulating conversations I usually had were with professors. So I found another outlet to quench my inquisitive nature. I started to write, and more importantly I started to write in blogs and forums. This let me continue to explore and discover new things and when I needed more to write sophisticated prose I would scour the web, the school's library, or pick my professors' brains. Currently, I maintain a blog on philosophy and religion. I encourage you to take a look and add to the dialogue if you feel comfortable.
Lastly, I believe my applying to your program is proof of my curiosity. I am not like the majority of candidates trying to bolster their resumes for the work force. My intention after this program is to obtain a PhD and my intent for the program is strictly increasing my knowledge of the field. By definition I am curious.
In closing, I believe my curious nature has become evident and absolute. I live life with the intent to learn more. I use dialogue in a multitude of mediums and any and all resources to further my held knowledge. I only hope my curiosity can help guide me to the goal I seek, a PhD.


Shaping Vision

Life is perceived as an ordered set of events. These events can be effected or caused by chance. Yet there is another concept involved and that is the individual. The individual has the ability tho shape his own life and though he can not control everything; he is not powerless. He has free will, but free will is far from free. It comes at the price of effort and ability and sometimes will be trumped by chance, but you can not let that deter you. It is my will to further my education with the Fischer Specialized MA in Fiance. This choice is one of many choices that will help me reach my goal

Silence is beautiful.

Our fatal Flaw

Lack of action will be our end.

Question

Has anyone seen or heard from the Curious Cat? I think Curiosity actually killed him. So if no one has seen or heard from him I might have to begin looking in the obiturairies.

A Change is Coming

Lately, I feel blah. I feel as if I have no direction or point. I realize that what I am currently attending school for and even working an internship in is not a passion of mine.(It is finance by the way) I do find the learning and understanding of a new role exciting but apart from that I would like to reiterate the feeling of blah. I believe I need to redirect myself towards an entirely different field. So my question is do I just get up and do that? Do I just get away from my internship and focus on my passions? Or do I just survive my current predicament and then change? Or is there another way?

Honestly, when it is said and done the decision is entirely mine, but I would like outside opinions on the matter. I believe seeing other people’s takes could help me understand myself better and solve this predicament. (especially since most of you know me)

Problems with finance:
a field full of assholes and liars
people are either dry or scumbags
people tend to work 80 plus hours and are bald, fat and out of shape by late thirties
did I mention they have high blood pressure
also the long hours and time directed towards work usually ruin people’s personal lives
not a field with too many amazing intellects
a field based on greed
I could probably go on but you get the point...

Inside

I cannot think today, I cannot focus.
My mind is filled with nothingness.
Not a single idea do I possess or can create.
I look upon the glass window where the raindrops fall with no purpose.
I fall with them.